He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
