"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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