I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
