He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
