Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
