An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
