drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
