There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
