maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
