i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Drunk is a universal language darling
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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