***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
