dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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