I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
