Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
is wine microwaveable?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
