HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
