I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Come on in and take your pants off
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
