i jhust puked up my retainher.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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