I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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