She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
