Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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