remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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