Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
