I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
