Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
