i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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