This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
