I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
