That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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