hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
