For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
My hand turned me down
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
