I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
