Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
