A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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