i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
