If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize