I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
