Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
this will be a night to untag.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
