being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I will pee on everything he values.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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