mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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