Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
