So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
no you cant smoke seaweed
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
