My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
he laminated a picture of his dick.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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