a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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