oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
