she woke up with a sticky ear
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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