Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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