Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
