Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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