My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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