Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
