Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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