Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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