I cut my penus on the lid.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
