Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
