He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
