if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
