I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
