dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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