I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
