my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
