He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
