Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
