Cold hands, warm shart.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
