so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
