just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
