did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
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