After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
