So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
