He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize