Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
