Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
