i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
