too bad you live with your parents still
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Four minutes until I can fart!
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
