U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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