I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
