It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize