Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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