he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
