I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
