thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
