im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Send help, water and tortillas.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
