to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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