she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
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