If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
