Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
