Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Randomize
