I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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