I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Dick very happy bro
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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