I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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