its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
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