paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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