im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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