Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
