Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
