Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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