only if we run a train.
done.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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