She is in my trunk
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize