meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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