Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize