So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
