i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
