Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
