Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
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