Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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