I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize